The self-doubt “Cushion”
Why do I start by symbolising self-doubt as a “cushion” you might ask? Well, let’s just say when you have been sitting in a very comfortable position for a lengthy period of time usually it’s because you have some nice plush support and for me that has always been my self-doubt.
Isn’t it so much easier to sit in comfort, in the known, in the “I know what’s next” position? Well I always thought so! When you have an idea or urge to do something different, how often does your internal dialogue kick in and say “But who do I think I am? Why me?” This self-positioning becomes an easy way out of stress, anxiety and uncertainty because we are never taking a risk and never pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone. Yes once again, when you peel the layers off the onion it all leads back to the core emotion which is fear!
So why do we always want to avoid this emotion which is inevitable in our lives? It’s because it is uncomfortable and it reminds us of negative experiences in the past. But what about the fact that it is temporary? What about the fact that fear comes and goes and if you embrace it rather than avoid it usually there could be a bigger reward on the other side?
Well, last year I decided I wanted to dip my little toe in this presumably lukewarm water to see how my system would tolerate a little dance with overcoming self-doubt.
And off I went….
I emailed Balboa Press with all the details of my book, took a deep breath, and then just forgot about it. 4 months later, I got a call from the U.S. saying I should check my junk mail as they had been trying to reach me for months! I literally was in disbelief as I had completely forgotten about it, I had taken a step in the direction I wanted but without really believing in my heart and soul that something would materialise and here it was as real as daylight and it felt unbelievable! The “Who do I think I am?” Became a “Someone is interested in what I have to say” and trust me it felt strange but exhilarating. Each phone call after that discussing the book was like a little building block in my self-confidence and belief in myself.
What I have learned from this journey so far, is that you are only as capable as you believe yourself to be. If you keep pushing that boundary just a little bit bigger and wider each time, you will prove to yourself that you are capable of great things and that only you were holding yourself back.
So now I’ve replaced my comfy cushion with more of a ‘stability’ ball which tests my balance once in a while but keeps me focused on not getting too comfortable at any one time…